French Opulence: You’re Doing it Wrong!

When I saw this house just outside of Baltimore, listed as “French Opulence” my first thought was that the French would be spinning in their collective grave to see this attributed to them. It looks nothing like any French house I’ve ever seen.

Most French houses I know have graceful, elegant proportions. This one doesn’t. That balcony sticks out like hernia. The columns on the portico are too low for the depth. It looks like the the 2nd floor porch and its appendage are weighing the columns down.

The whole entrance looks like an addition because it completely blocks the two Palladian windows on the second floor and ruins the lines of the house.

Let’s go inside, shall we?

First, I think these front doors would look a whole lot better with some glass in them. The wood is just to heavy and dark.

I am not a big fan of cathedral ceilings and double-height rooms. They tend to feel cavernous, like you’re sitting in the bottom of a well.

Loooooook…. down there… furniture! (that’s my echo-y voice!)

I am also not a big fan of the “window treatments” in this room. I’d have left the top windows undone, and not curtained the bottom doors. In a room this tall, you don’t need to draw attention to the height. Also, the furniture seems out of scale for the size and height of the space.

This house reminds me of a very nice hotel with its matching sconces, matching tables and long hallways.

There are a lot of decorators who can successfully use a lot of pattern in a room, but this seems very jarring and not at all harmonious. If you took away one of the major elements, like the rug, it might work better.

Again, too many patterns in this room. And someone needs to explain to me what’s over the bed. The elements either need to be bigger, or closer together to make a unified assemblage.

I think that the bed’s missing something! There are at least a dozen pillows, but no skirt?

This room certainly sends a mixed message! That wall map of the world seems a bit out of place. And it’s a bit over-ottomaned, too.

Way too much happening in this room. Too much furniture. Too many patterns. Too much happening.

Why would you have a sun room with wicker furniture and then add a modern table?

There’s way too much furniture on this porch. It looks like it would be a maze to get from one end to the other. I think that the furniture needs to be airier. These kooboo chairs are too heavy and there are too many of them.

There was one thing I did like about this house. This.

The property was built in 1992 and is on the market for just over $2 million. Regardless of what I think of this house, someone is going to love it and make it their home. Email the agent, and my friend, Jake to see it, or check the listing here.